Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
