But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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