You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
