I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
