my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
