He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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