Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
