Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
