THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
