Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
