Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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