All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
