Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
