yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You made out with two different species that night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
