I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
