I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im drinking this country out of the recession.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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