Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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