Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
