i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
wow bdsm is so cute
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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