please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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