Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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