Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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