and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
