I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
