he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
