went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
