I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
