the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am one with the molecules
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
