I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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