remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
