ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
