this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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