he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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