How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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