life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
