Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
