I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The convent might be a nice break from real life
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
