I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
