Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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