Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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