I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
