i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Text me some of your sweat
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize