if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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