I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
