Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize