i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
