After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
