Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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