My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
