They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
