Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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