sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
