my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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