why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
