I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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