i don't like sucking hair
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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