sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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