My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
