so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
