the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
