I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
