if i can run in heels then i can drive
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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