i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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