Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
