I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
