I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
