Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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