Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
