i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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