I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
