Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
