just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
